DISCUSSING ALZHEIMER'S WITH CHILDREN

Alzheimer's disease impacts the whole family. The first step to assisting children and teens in coping with the diagnosis is to educate them about Alzheimer's and help them understand what to expect. The level of impact on a child or teen will depend on their relationship with the patient—parent, grandparent, relative, or friend—and how close they are to the person with Alzheimer's disease. It will be difficult for any child, no matter how old they are, to see their special grandma or grandpa change before their very eyes.

Where the Alzheimer's patient lives will also affect how children or teens are impacted. Certainly there will be less of an impact if the person lives out of town and definitely a more significant impact if the child's parent is the primary caregiver.

It is important for parents to be completely honest with their children or teens about what to expect:

• Alzheimer's disease is a disease of the brain
• The person with Alzheimer's disease will forget things and people. This doesn't mean that they don't love the child. It's part of the disease
• Doctors don't know exactly what causes Alzheimer's disease, but there is a lot of ongoing medical research trying to find the cause and how to treat it
• The most important thing we can do is remember that there will be moments in time when grandma or grandpa can remember who we are, and we can cherish those times and carry them with us forever
• Because one of the child's grandparents has Alzheimer's disease, it doesn't mean that their parents will get it or that the child will get it
• Alzheimer's disease is not contagious

Children and teens may have reactions to the person with Alzheimer's disease and situations that may seem uncaring or inappropriate. They may be angry because mom or dad has to spend more time with the Alzheimer's patient and less time with the child. They may be sad because they are seeing the person slip away and hurt because the loved one can no longer remember them. Frustration is common because they have to repeat activities or questions, and they may feel embarrassed to have friends over to the house. Moreover, they may feel guilty for getting angry with the Alzheimer's patient and for feeling the way they do.

If your children begin to complain regularly about stomachaches or headaches, their grades begin to suffer, they spend more time away from home, or they have stopped asking to have friends over, they may be hiding their emotions from you.

Let them know that what they are feeling is normal. Try to let them know what it is like for the Alzheimer's patient. Imagine this—you're shopping with your mom in a great big mall that is completely unfamiliar. Everyone speaks a different language. You can't recognize the stores or your surroundings and you can't find your way out. All of a sudden, you're all alone! How would you feel? This is what it feels like to have Alzheimer's disease.

There are things that you can do as a family to help your child cope. Simply spend time together. Be honest and understanding. Knowledge is powerful—the more they know about Alzheimer's disease, the more they will know what to expect. Keep a journal together, look at old photographs, or start a scrapbook. Preserve the memories. Hugs are important. Let your child know that, no matter what the person forgets, grandma or grandpa can always feel their love and kindness.